This sleep bill is a disgrace!
It took Maddie all of about five minutes to turn down renewed calls for standard bedtime practices. After weeks of discussion, the parents passed the new sleep bill through the House and Senate, but after three tries at around 9pm, Maddie vetoed the measure once and for all and told both sides to look for a more reasonable solution.
The baby insisted that she would not fall victim bipartisan shenanigans and mindless infant sleep studies. Both parents created the measure based on studies suggesting that a firm routine needed to be established for baby’s bedtime.
Madeleine argued that these so-called studies were written by hacks – adults who don’t really remember what it was like to be a baby in the first place. She went on to dispute the findings and insisted that she would veto any sleep bill that came across her desk until she turns at least four months old.
The first attempt to put her down to sleep was initiated by her PaPa. He tried a light swaddle, some rocking and a gentle placement into the pack and play. This worked for all of about 20 minutes when Maddie woke up crying with some diaper issues.
Attempt number two: Maddie’s Mom walked around a bit and tried to soothe the baby before placing her in the crib. This time the baby lasted about three minutes. Legislators watched these events unfold with great interest and dubbed Maddie the “Sleep Killer.”
Attempt number three: PaPa brought the baby into the living room and patted her back to check for any excess gas. When Maddie produced a little burp – he thought he had cracked the sleep code for the night. He transported the baby back to her room and they rocked together in the glider. He felt the tension go out in Maddie’s neck and the sigh that hopefully signaled an end to this impasse. He shuffled her to the crib, brimming with confidence that this night session was finally over. One of the books had actually said to make sure that the baby was not completely asleep when you put her down. HAA, right! Hacks I tell ya!
Five minutes later, Maddie rejected the third and final sleep proposal. She cautioned lawmakers to rethink the sleep bill and see if they could go out and get a clue!
